Plus Size Outfits For Seeing Your Ex-Husband

Posted by Jen Anderson on

Plus Size Outfits For Seeing Your Ex-Husband

...and other people you don't want to see. Sometimes you need an outfit that says, "see how much happier I am without you?" Oh sure, your confidence and the way you carry yourself can convey that nicely. But you want an outfit that can shut someone up the second they lay eyes on you. Plus size women are used to being judged at first sight, so this should come easy to you.

woman in animal print separates
You can apply this strategy to a frenemy, an old work nemesis, a teacher who told you that you'd never amount to get the idea. But romantic partners can get under our skin like no one else can. The real goal here is to remind yourself that you're doing fine without them, and to signal that you're no longer available to play their mind games. 

Don't Go Overboard

I know how much you want to sashay into your ex's funeral wearing a red dress, but it won't be satisfying since the stinker won't be there to see it. You want to make the weasel realize that he should've treated you so much better than he did. But you also don't want to look like you're trying too hard. 

Avoid the temptation to try to make your ex miss you. The goal here is to show them how little you miss them.

rose gold hi-lo jacketThis means that you need to be careful that you're not too dressy for the occasion. If you're handing off the kids, you need to dress casually. I know you want to wear something tight and sparkly so your ex thinks that you have a hot date, but it's such an obvious move that it won't work. 

Leave Your Ex Out Of It

Maybe your ex didn't like how you look in pink, so you stopped wearing it. It's tempting to wear pink in front of him now to show that you're the one calling the shots in your life now. But if you're wearing something specifically to rebel against someone, you're still giving them some control. And an ex-husband is exactly the sort of person who'd notice that. 

Be sure to pick an outfit that doesn't remind you of your ex at all. Which is tricky since we're selecting an outfit specifically to see them. But you want to convey how little you care. The outfit that will really show him you're over it all is one that makes you think about how good you look and how comfortable you feel.

print jacketLet's Get Specific

You can't go wrong with a Duster. They add a lot of visual impact to an outfit. A Swing Vest can elevate the look of anything you wear it with without looking too formal. I really like a Swing Vest/Deep Scoop Neck Top combo. A print can bring the carefree exuberance you're looking for here.

For formal events, a sparkly Swing Cardigan or Jacket can help you look effortlessly fabulous.

Try to stay away from Black in this situation. It's chic and goes with anything, but it's too expected on a plus size woman. Try Navy or a brown like Chocolate for your neutrals. And a bright color like Sunset Orange or a rich shade like Blue Spruce convey a bold sophistication.

Know Your Worth

Maybe the divorce destroyed your self esteem. Maybe the marriage did. It's time to up your self care game. You should have clothes that you look forward to wearing. If you're going to see your ex, you want an outfit that lets them know that you've rediscovered your self worth. And it will remind you as well. 

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Check out our other posts about plus size style.


I probably shouldn’t comment on this because I truly don’t/wouldn’t give a d—— about my ex’s “assessment” of me today, BUT that may very well have at least something to do with my having had 35 precious years of marriage with my late husband beginning several years after the “ex”! That said — and I realize there are other people that one might like to impress — I agree with Marla. “Too much” — whether it be jewelry or make up or very long/decorated fingernails certainly CAN come off as looking a little frantic about one’s natural attributes.

No one has ever accused me of being shy — I like (and wear) bright colors, full make up, red fingernails (when my own are long enough that I like them red) and big jewelry. But I would rather any “buzz” about me would be about how great I look WITHOUT any particular thing about me being the occasion for comment or notice.

Think about what compliments you enjoy the most — “where did you get your hair done?”/ “I love your nails” /“that’s an amazing necklace”. OR, do you love the compliments like: “You look lovely:” or “My, you look like a million dollars”. Or, “you always look just perfect”. Even if you’re good with the former sort of compliments, try the latter ones out on your friends — or strangers — and watch them beam!

P.S. The most recent truly SUPERIOR compliment I have received was a bit of a combination of the two sorts…but she began with the latter. I was wearing my new black and white polka dot VikkiVi maxi dress and I DID feel spiffy. I have a lot of fluffy chiffon “bow” hair clips because my hair is so thin and fine that I always wear it “up” (I like the added height and volume from the bows.) That day I was wearing a red bow and a vintage red plastic bead necklace and red hoop earrings. This DEAR lady came up to me at a brunch buffet and said, “I just wanted to thank you. You came in here looking so happy that you just brightened up my day”. WOW! She went on to comment on my bright red accessories looking so nice with my dress, but what I loved her for was saying what she said first! .


I really like how you emphasize that this is about reminding a person of her own worth and that she should dress to please herself. I just bought a long vest in a lightweight fabric and just trying it on made me smile. (Now to avoid dropping it in the toilet!)

—Karen (formerly kcinnova),

Marla –thanks so much for your comment. I do want to emphasize that these tips are for when you want to send a specific message. On any given Tuesday, elaborate hair, makeup, and nails are fine for those who like them. It’s certainly not for everyone, but plus size women have been told for too long that they can’t be pretty and should try to fade into the background, so it can be liberating to be flamboyant and super femme. One woman’s costumey is another woman’s daily uniform. Those women shouldn’t get more elaborate when seeing an ex, but they also shouldn’t dial it back in this instance.


Jen, Great article. Thanks. I do see plus gals trying to hard. I’m a 3X. What I notice is hair to elaborate nails to long and detailed exotic makeup etc. There are some great books about French beauty and style. Understated is the way to go with a bold accessory and Vikki Vi gorgeous clothes👌


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