New Year's resolutions are awful. They're self loathing wrapped up in the illusion of self improvement. And everyone expects you to fail, so that's fun. Instead of resolving to get rid of our bad habits, let's resolve to build good things in our lives. 

That's not just another way of looking at the same old pledges to be healthier, more organized, or more patient. Those resolutions focus on the future. Go to the gym every day and someday you'll reap the benefits of all that hard work. Maybe.

When we set an intention to create something good, that happens immediately. Creation instead of transformation.

Rewrite Your Internal Dialogue

We can't control how other people treat us, but we can change how we treat ourselves. That constant stream of criticism in your head that sounds like your mother? It's really you. It may be her voice and it may be saying the exact same things she says to you, but it's not her.  

You control that voice. When it starts up, you can tell it to shut up. If that's too hard, change the voice so that it's someone you don't respect picking on you - they'll be much easier to ignore.

Then try to flip things around. When you find yourself feeling friendless and unloved (as one does), try singing a version of the jingle for Sara Lee baked goods - "Nobody doesn't like me, me, ME!!!"

Any of these tactics can produce instant results. You stop picking on yourself and you feel better.

Stop Putting Yourself Last

It feels so selfish to think of ourselves first. What kind of mother puts more money and effort into dressing themselves than their children? Mothers who want to set a good example for their kids while gaining respect and raises at work.

We agonize over investing in good clothes that will last when we could skimp and build our savings accounts (even though cheap clothes cost more in the long run). We try so hard not to be selfish and wind up in the land of self sabotage.

We need to make ourselves as much of a priority as everyone and everything else in our lives. Maybe that means treating yourself to a colorful silk jacket (pictured). It could mean going through your closet and getting rid of everything that doesn't fit properly. Or you could start bringing nicer lunches to work and reading a novel instead of working while you eat. Start taking a moment in the morning to select your accessories instead of grabbing the same old necklace and earring combo you wear every day.

Sure, these things can increase your long term happiness, but you can feel the effects right away. 

Name Your Intention

Author Adrienne Martini chooses a word of the year each January. That word is something she wants to focus on. Following her example, I've chosen Reboot as my word for 2017. Change is afoot in my life and that word will remind me to shake up everything that isn't working for me - instead of stressing out because change is scary. It will also remind me to keep an eye out for more fabulous boots and to wear the ones I already own. So, win-win.

Tell us your intentions for 2017 in the comments.

Check out our other posts about plus size life.